#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — She Shudders

To those of you celebrating today: HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Now for a totally NOT holiday related flash back poem…

She Shudders

Sometimes
I feel her
Inside
That little girl scared and alone
And
She shudders

Shivers
As though
Southern Arizona
Isn’t mad hot
Even in April
But she quivers

At the memory of kindergarten
Coming home
To an empty house
Not that unusual
But this day
Darkness came
Before grown folks
And even TV
Turned on
To ward away lonelies
Is no use
As light fades from sky
Tears fall
And she shudders

She lies on floor
Looking at moonrise
Through glass
Where are they?
Those ones
Who are supposed to care
And take care of
And love
Where are they?
And she trembles

In half house
With open walls
Wires bare
No paneling or sheet rock
Half bathroom wall
Shows tub
Whose drain goes to huge hole
Where septic tank is not
And next to tub
Bucket
“Pee pot”
For night urine
Because little me
Too scary
To go 100 feet to out house
In the dark
And she shudders

At nail scar
And centipedes
And scorpions
And aloneness
Turning into loneliness
As sky goes
Deeper darker blue
Crying loudly alone
Cats’ and dogs’ silent company
Uncomforting

This little girl memory
Still clings to me
And sometimes even now
Alone turns to lonely
And
I shudder

.

(originally posted on livejournal.com Sep. 1st, 2005 at 1pm)

I actually still like this one a lot. Rare for me not to “get over” a poem. This one may have to be added to the favorites list.

One thought on “#TBT = Throwback Thursday! — She Shudders

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